Lesson Number 1: Guys Enjoy Doing Things that are Fun.
This may seem obvious, but we females tend overlook this one on a regular basis. Ever wonder why your boyfriend didn't look thrilled when you got him tickets to go and see Rihanna with you? Well, it's because he hates Rihanna, but he knows that if he tells you that, you'll start to cry, so he has to go with you, which sucks for him. Maybe, if he's lucky, one of her boobs will fall out mid-concert or something. You see, what sounds like fun to you might end up being some unusual form of torture for him. Here are some things that you should never, under any circumstance, ask your boyfriend to do unless you are prepared to offer him something he wants in return:
*Go shopping for clothes, shoes, or make-up
*Listen to pop music of any kind
*Attend your friends' weddings
*Watch anything starring Zac Efron
*Dress up
*Cut his hair
*Purchase any sort of feminine hygeine product
These are all big no-nos. The more you ask him to do things that are not-fun, the less cool he will think you are. Eventually, he will remember that he was having a much better time hanging out with his friends and occaisonally sleeping around, and will dump you. If you must ask him to do something he hates, at least tell him that you'd be willing to do something that you hate in return. Here's the catch though: You have to act like you are enjoying yourself while you do it. It's not a very fair trade if you make him spend 3 hours in Forever 21 and then whine and complain while you're giving him a blow job later.
Lesson Number 2: He Doesn't Give a Crap About How You Look.
Now before you start arguing with me, please note that I said, "he doesn't give a crap about how you look," not "he doesn't give a crap about how girls look." Guys are drawn to sexy women the way moths are drawn to a light. This makes sense, since hot girls are pleasing to look at. Fortunately for us, most guys have widely differing standards of what they consider "sexy," and if he's dating you, that means he thinks you are sexy. Therefore, you do not have to spend 6 hours in front of the mirror every day checking the size of your pores and making sure that your mascara isn't clumpy. He thinks you're beautiful the way you are, and you will only piss him off by obsessing over your appearance. Every hour you spend making yourself look beautiful is one you could have spent doing something fun with him. Eventually, he'll realize that you are self-centered and that your beauty regimen is more important than he is, at which point he'll leave you for an ugly chick who is at least willing to wear the same pair of shoes two days in a row. Also, you're going to really screw yourself over by constantly asking him how you look. After awhile he'll start saying, "you look great," and "I love you" all the time, just to shut you up, while secretly wishing for you to die in a car fire.
Lesson Number 3: The Fact that He Wants to See His Friends Does Not Mean He Hates You.
How would you feel if every time you wanted to go bar hopping with your friends, your boyfriend started crying about how used and unappreciated it made him feel? Do you see where I'm going with this yet? Don't act like an abused puppy if he chooses not to include you in his plans every now and then. You may not be the only human being on the planet that he's in contact with. If he wants to go out with the guys for a few hours one night, he shouldn't feel like he has to ask permission from you first. If you act clingy and needy, it makes you far less attractive to him since you're behaving like his mom. He'll also start to think that you're a huge loser, since it would appear that you don't have any friends of your own, and you can't do anything without him. Remember lesson number 1? If he's going out for awhile, do something you enjoy that he doesn't. Go to the mall, get your hair done, or sit at home and watch "A Walk to Remember." Do anything you want, just give him some space.
Lesson Number 4: Offer Sex:
"But we have sex all the time!" you say. Even if your sex life is more than active, which of you is one initiating it? I'll bet it's him. Guys have very fragile egos, so it's important to let them know that they're attractive, strong, and bad-ass. As long as you pretend you think your boyfriend is God, he'll be satisfied. If you don't act like you want him every now and then, you cripple his sense of manliness, and that's just not cool. If you don't find yourself ever wanting to have sex with your boyfriend, then you don't actually like him and should break it off as soon as possible so that he can find someone who's not a giant bitch like you!
Lesson Number 5: Never Pressure Him Into Doing Something He Doesn't Want to Do.
No, I don't have this backwards. The entire male gender may be stigmatized with pressuring women into sex, but women are just as guilty of forcing guys to do things they don't want to do. This is especially true when it comes to getting married and having babies. Now, it's pretty bad if you pressure a guy into marrying you. If you've been dating him for over a year and he hasn't asked you yet, he's either not going to, or not ready yet. Either way, he's going to feel threatened and annoyed, and one of two things will happen: He'll do it just to shut you up, or he'll break up with you, and you're much better off if he breaks up with you. If he does marry you, it will inevitably end in divorce 5 years down the road, and alimony is just no fun. As bad as this scenario sounds, it's nothing compared to what will happen if you pressure him into having a baby with you. He'll have to give up all of his free time and most of his paycheck, and he will hate you forever. Eventually you'll divorce, except now you have to figure out what to do with the kid. Seriously, just don't ask those sorts of questions. If you're really dying to make a life-altering change, don't go dragging innocent people along for the ride.
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